My Not So Secret Diary

True Story

True Story, how yoga helped my recovery and saved my life, Claire Hatwell author and sober blogger, My Not So Secret Recovery, My Not So Secret Guide to Recovering.
Once upon a time there was a girl who didn’t like herself very much. On the outside, everything looked great, but on the inside, she was sad and didn’t know how to fix it. She never felt good enough and worried about everything all the time. She felt judged by everyone, even when they meant the best. So at night, after everything was done, the kids were in bed and the house was tidy, she’d have a glass of wine to relax. But one was never enough, and gradually, that one glass became a bottle, and then two and then three, and she realised she couldn’t stop. It’s a slippery old slope that one of addiction and once you’re on it, it’s hard to claw your way back. Stopping drinking was just the beginning though, because once she was eating properly again, she started to put on weight, she was a really skinny drunk you see, and that made her resent herself and her sobriety, but she stuck at it, knowing she really didn’t want to disappear. She loved her kids and her husband and for some reason she really couldn’t comprehend, they loved her. So she tried, every day, and every day it was a struggle until one day it wasn’t. Somewhere on that journey she found yoga, and learned that her body might not be skinny anymore, but it was strong, she learned that it could do things she didn’t believe she could do, like standing on her head, and although she’d let it down over the years, her body never let her down. She found that when she was angry, getting on the mat and forcing herself through the motions until she was breathing properly and creating a flow was far better than drowning out her feelings with alcohol. Sometimes she still thinks she’s got a way to go, but sometimes, just sometimes, she realises, things are pretty good. Life is pretty good. She has a lot to be grateful for. Take a moment to realise what you have, you might realise it’s more than you think. Much love as always.