28 February. 2023
Welcome to my diary, for past months please use the navigation bar to the left.
28 February. 2023
It’s been two weeks since I’ve been for a run. First we were away and then the ‘most awful cold ever’ got me. I’ve still got a cough but I’ve started to get twitchy so tonight before I could talk myself out of it, I laced up my trainers and went out. It would have been easier not to. A night on the sofa in front of the fire would have been far less effort to be honest. The thing is now, as I sit relaxing, I know I feel way better than I would have done if I hadn’t gone out. The feeling after I’ve been for a run calms my mind in a way nothing else does. Sometimes it’s good to make yourself do something, even when it’s a challenge! Whatever I do now, it’s far better than wasting an evening drinking!
25 February. 2023
Saturday night. Yes we went out, yes we had fun and yes I remain alcohol free, because fun times can actually happen without alcohol
25 February. 2023
Saturday morning! I don't ever regret waking up hangover free and clear headed (even when I still have a rotten cold!)
Did you drink last night? I know I always made excuses to start my sober journey 'tomorrow' or next week, or you know... just not today. But what I learned is there is never a better day than today. Some days will be harder, some will be easier, but they'll all be worth it. And at some point if you're on this journey, you're going to have to see what a sober Saturday night looks like, so why not start today?
Have a great day what ever you are up to!
21 February. 2023
My insecurities catch me out at times, like today when I was doing the school run, the first time since before half term. It’s just a normal thing, and yet, I felt like everyone was looking at me, judging me, knowing things about me that I don’t know about myself. Feeling like that throws me, and I try to convince my rational mind to take over, to be in charge, but it’s hard when doubt sets in. I read a saying once, that what other people think of me is not my business, and that’s what I try to remind myself, because really, as long as it doesn’t affect me, it isn’t.
Out of the blue though, sometimes things happen to make me feel incredibly grateful, and those are the feelings I want to hang on to. As a mum, being busy with the normal things life throws at us, it can be easy to feel taken for granted. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think it’s intentional, it’s just priorities are different as a parent to what they are as a child or teenager, and sometimes, those differences can cause disagreements. Yesterday however, I was reminded that over the years I have done something right, and my kids are kind. In the morning my eldest offered to take my littlest to school so I didn’t have to, he then phoned to tell me he’d pick him up too. My daughter brought me lunch and a hot chocolate, just because she could, and without me asking her to, arriving in the middle of the day with it. My middle son arrived later in the day with medicine and cakes and then offered to cook dinner for us all.
I suppose what I’m saying is that it can be easy to focus on the hard and difficult things in life, but if we do that, we’re missing out on all the good things. There are so many good things, so much to be grateful for, even on the darkest day, so don’t forget to look for it.
I hope you have a lovely day, wherever you are x
20 February. 2023
It’s said that sobriety is a journey, but even now, after over six years, I am still learning things. I told you yesterday that I wasn’t feeling well over the weekend, and clearly, the bug has decided to hang on for a little longer, so I didn’t go to work today. It seems such a simple thing, to call in sick, especially when I work with my family, but for me, it feels like a weakness. If I’m honest, it feels like I’m letting people down. Logically, I know that I need to take time to get better, I’ve tried before to push through things, and it always ends up making things worse, but I panicked a bit this morning. I don’t find it easy being out of my routine, but I sat with it, because that’s better than trying to drown it out isn’t it? It’s funny that even now, after all this time, I’m still learning new things about myself, still finding out what I find challenging, but most importantly, sitting with my feelings rather than running away from them. This sobriety lark is definitely more of a marathon than a sprint, but I’d choose my life now over what it was when I was drinking any day!
19 February. 2023
When I was drinking I always avoided admitting I was feeling under the weather. I used to worry that if I admitted it, I would be advised not to drink, or need to take medicine that would stop me drinking, although sometimes I just drank anyway. I worried that being ill would be blamed on my drinking, or told that a night off would help me get better. It didn’t matter whether the illness was drink related or not, I was always concerned that would be how it was perceived, or that somehow I’d brought it on myself.
This weekend I’ve been hit by a horrible flu bug. I have never ached so much, and my cough is driving me mad! I haven't really slept and feel so bad that I barely managed to get dressed, let alone put makeup on, and that’s unheard of for me! But, I feel like I am allowed to be poorly. I’m allowed to take some time and get better, and I guess that’s another part of the sober journey, being able to accept who we are and where we are without guilt. I might not be able to run this weekend, but that’s okay. Currently I’m making the most of some quiet time, having a cuddle with my little boy and enjoying watching the Muppets movies with him. Sometimes we just need to listen to our bodies and slow down. I hope you’re all having a lovely sober weekend? x
17 February. 2023
I’m not afraid of heights completely, but I am terrified of falling when something isn’t stable. Wobbly steps, old floors and things like that are hard, while walking on grates is nearly impossible. But… I am trying to push myself out of my comfort zone and this week I surprised myself by walking on the glass floor at the top of Tower Bridge over The Thames. It wasn’t easy, I wanted to do it but my feet wouldn’t listen, but eventually with a lot of encouragement from my husband, I did it.
It’s good to challenge ourselves and to be honest, I feel quite proud of myself! 💖
Check out the view!!
16 February. 2023
This made me feel so sad. I understand the police need to gain all the facts and I know that the news will report everything they can, but in all honesty what does the past drinking habits of this lady have to do with the search for her? Shaming her will not bring her back, and will only bring more grief to her family. Unless she was drinking on the day she went missing, and I don’t think there is any evidence of that, then really, what has her drinking habits got to do with the rest of us? It felt to me, rightly or wrongly, that the finger is being pointed at her, and I hate that. Having a drinking problem should have no bearing on how the search is conducted, and quite frankly, I don’t think it’s anyone else’s business, unless she wanted to share it. In all of this I feel for her family, I can’t imagine what they are going through. I hope like so many others do, that she’ll turn up soon, safe and sound💖💖💖
15 February. 2023
A few years ago my days or evenings out required wine, or at least knowing when I’d be getting wine. I’d have to visit a pub for lunch and dinner and I’d stress out about how long I’d have to stay out as I’d prefer to get home to drink. Today was very different. We explored London, and took a super scary walk across the top of Tower Bridge, what an amazing experience!! The best thing is, I enjoyed the whole day, and now as I sit in bed, I can remember it all too. Nothing is tainted by the need to drink or the aftermath of me drinking. It was a lovely day, making lovely memories, just the way it should be!
13 February. 2023
Triggers… it’s can be the simple things that catch us out and make us want to drink again. There are so many things, big or small that we might associate with drinking, but here especially, if we’re aware, we can plan things to help us succeed in our sobriety!
💖 • • #s#sobers#soberlifea#alcoholrecoveryr#recoveryr#recoveryispossibles#sobrietys#soberjourneya#addictiona#alcoholfreemovementa#afa#alcoholfrees#sobercuriousr#recoverymotivations#soberinspirationt#teetotals#sobernotborings#soberrunnerm#mindseta#anxietyo#overcomingaddictiona#anxietyandalcoholr#recoverys#soberafsoberevening #sobersaturday #soberweekend #sobervibes ♬ Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You) - Kelly Clarkson" href="https://www.tiktok.com/music/Stronger-What-Doesn't-Kill-You-6471473624000793358?refer=embed">♬ Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You) - Kelly Clarkson
@soberme_claire Triggers… it’s can be the simple things that catch us out and make us want to drink again. There are so many things, big or small that we might associate with drinking, but here especially, if we’re aware, we can plan things to help us succeed in out sobriety
12 February. 2023
So the self sabotage monster hit me today... I've been trying to make good choices, treat myself, but counterbalance that with moving my body and generally trying to find a balance, but... I'm not seeing results and while I don't expect them overnight, it would be nice to see something. I caught a view of my shadow earlier and I looked so dumpy it shocked me. Now I know a shadow isn't a true reflection but it's enough to make me question myself. Then a neighbour told me I was wearing a 'lovely outfit' and all I can hear is sarcasm. I assume the worst because why would anyone say anything nice?
This is the point when it's easy to hit self destruct and give in, no matter what our resolve, because familiarity is easier. However familiarity doesn't change anything and we'll look back weeks later wishing we'd made the change sooner.
So... I didn't eat all the biscuits, I didn't drink all the wine and I didn't sit down and cry. Instead I put my trainers on and went for a run. It was hard. It was hilly. But I've earned a soak in the tub with a cup of tea and I don't hate myself like I did earlier, because while I may be heavier than I'd like, and have wobbly bits that I don't enjoy, my body keeps my going every day. I've had four kids and despite it not being perfect, I can run. I can get outside and enjoy myself, and for that, I am pretty damn grateful. And so should you all be. Let's try to be kinder to ourselves, while it's easier said than done, we are all pretty amazing
06 February. 2023
This is Barn, my second youngest and wingman for my evening run today. He used to run for Cornwall so I don’t have much hope of keeping up with him, but he trundled along at my pace with me tonight which was lovely.
04 February. 2023
Impromptu dinner out tonight! 💖 We gave up trying to do dinner in tonight and took the kids out. I never would have done this in years gone by, especially because a lot of the people in the bar have been here for hours watching some game on the TV, but also because I couldn’t do it without enviously watching other people drinking. It’s funny, I don’t remember when it changed but it has and it really doesn’t bother me now. I know I’m not missing out, in fact the only thing I’d be missing out on is tomorrow if I had a drink tonight.
I hope you’re all having a great Sober Saturday night whatever you’re up to.
02 February. 2023
Meet Stanley, he’s my youngest and also my new running wingman. After school today we went to the reservoir and while I ran he rode. His legs are a little short to expect him to run with me, but this works! He took a little break to take in the view, but his enthusiasm is infectious. We also went hunting for bears in the woods but didn’t find any thank goodness!
01 February. 2023
Feeling proud of myself tonight! 🏃🏼♀️I wanted to run, I didn’t want to run, I planned to run and then made excuses… all the mind games. I ended up going out after it got dark which I never do. It was cold but refreshing, and the dark meant no one could see me which is great for my anxiety! I came home on a proper runners high. Definitely an evening well spent!