My Not So Secret Diary


Writing this blog is helping me work things through.

I know that people with addictions are all triggered by different things but recently I’ve noticed just how varied the range is. I’m a member of a couple of groups where certain things are banned as they could trigger a relapse, but then other things are posted which can affect the balance of the group. Rules are there to protect all members and so things like posting while under the influence aren’t allowed. It’s interesting how many different things can affect the way people think. For example, for me, I’m really affected by adverts portraying the ‘fun’ people have when drinking, it’s normally food adverts with family gathered around the table. They make me feel abnormal, because I can’t do the things the people in the adverts can. I can’t pour that glass to celebrate, and sometimes, I just wish I could. So that bothers me. Other things don’t, like adverts for non-alcoholic drinks and yet that really upset someone in one of the groups recently. They felt it supported a pro-alcohol movement, and I’m not sure that I agree, as for me, wine with the alcohol removed did play a part in my recovery. I know though, that it doesn’t work for everyone. Most things aren’t a one-size-fits-all.

So obviously we can’t all avoid everything that might be a possible trigger, I know I am not going to avoid the TV in case I see an advert or a portrayal of an addict that I don’t like. But how far should we push ourselves? Over Christmas although there was no wine in the house, I found a real trigger in having my in-laws come over, as we used to enjoy a few drinks together. I guess, although it is a trigger to me, and did make me wobble, I shouldn’t avoid it, as no one was actively drinking, it was just a situation that bothered me, and actually, although I do have a drink problem, not everything in the world should be about me and my problem. I wonder if I should have pushed myself more, if I should be going out more, and more able to be around other people drinking without thinking about it? I’m not sure, I don’t have the answer for that yet, but I’m hoping I will work it out soon.

Thanks for reading.