My Not So Secret Diary

Super Saturday?

Super Saturday crazy behaviour after lockdown writing for my sobriety and mental health blog My Not So Secret Diary by Claire HatwellWell, it is very apparent that things are changing very rapidly, at least where we live in Cornwall. Until recently it’s been quiet on the roads as well as the shops and towns being shut. I know that our community thrives on tourism to keep it going, but I can’t help but say that I liked the quiet. The roads were much less stressful, and it wasn’t hard to get around. I knew things were going to change, but I hadn’t expected it to happen literally overnight. There has been no gradual increase in visitors like we get most years, yesterday the towns were shut, today everything was crazy busy.

We had to do a couple of deliveries for work today, we’re heavily involved with manufacturing some of the protective screens a lot of restaurants and other businesses are using, so started off our day in Padstow. It was raining, but it was still hard to navigate the car through the town as there were so many pedestrians walking down the road. After that we went on to Newquay, and again it was busy, almost like Covid-19 and lockdown had been forgotten. We had our two youngest boys with us, so after that delivery we walked down to the harbour to look at the boats, and came back along the beach. That was lovely, but as soon as we got close to the town again it was harder going. There were so many people to avoid, and with the pavements being so narrow, it was easier to walk on the roads, but then there were cars to contend with. It’s not easy.

The thing is, in Cornwall, we are quite isolated. We have only one proper hospital for the whole county. The service it provides has always been good, at least in my experience, but it is also almost always pushed to capacity, and there have been times when patients haven’t got a bed. Even when I had our youngest, and I was booked in with a specific time, the maternity ward was bed blocked and we had to wait three days to be allowed up to the delivery suite. It was a good job he wasn’t in any rush to arrive, but it was scary as at least one lady gave birth in the corridor.

To top it all off, it seems that everyone is being encouraged to get out and enjoy themselves, namely, by going to the pub. Well, I for one have managed fine without pubs being open, but that is probably because I don’t drink anymore. I do find it rather sad though, that Radio 1 was playing clips of people talking about their plans for the weekend and the main theme seemed to be going out to ‘get hammered’ and to ‘make the most of it’. I don’t think it’s right really that it almost seems to be promoting drinking to excess, not just drinking to enjoy an afternoon or evening, but rather drinking more to make up for not being able to go out for the last few months. It seems sad to me, but it also worries me, because we’re suddenly inundated with people that haven’t been out, that are now allowed to and we have limited services to deal with any situations that arise from it.

It’s been coined ‘Super Saturday’ but I feel that really gives the wrong idea. I feel that it’s just encouraging people to go out and I worry that the social distancing rules are going to be forgotten by some. Following on from the protests and violence we have seen in some places recently, I do worry what trouble adding alcohol and nights out to the mix will bring. It’s all to easy to say something insensitive after one too many to drink, and unfortunately those things aren’t always possible to take back.

I for one, am going to stay safely at home tonight, but if you are planning to go out, have fun - just stay safe.

Much love,
Claire x


Letting Go

Letting Go me and my daughter at the beach in Cornwall writing for my sobriety and mental health blog My Not So Secret Diary by Claire Hatwell
I’ve always found the term, “letting go of what no longer serves you,” an interesting one. How do you know what doesn’t serve you? What if you let go of something that you might need later?

I have been told I have a tendency to hoard things just a little tiny bit. My husband puts up with it, but I know it can be a bit much sometimes. I do know however, that I am not by any means at a worrying stage! Our floors are clear and nothing is a fire hazard! I’m just not so good at letting go of things that ‘might’ be useful, one day, or are sentimental, and with four kids, I hang on to a lot of memories. I’m like that with my thoughts too. I like to, no, that’s not true, because I don’t actually intend to do it. What I mean is I just hold on to things. I honestly don’t mean to and I don’t want to most of the time. It’s not because I want to remember bad things or hold a grudge or anything like that because I do it with good things too. I just struggle to let things go.

A wise person, who may be reading this (Roger Happy) once said to me, that in the back of my mind was a box. I didn’t intentionally put it there but somehow managed to fill it with all the stuff I couldn’t do or didn’t want to deal with. Gradually as I allowed myself not only to write but also to publish my writing for you to read, I began to work through my feelings and unpack my thoughts from this box. It’s funny because although in some ways it probably made me not exactly relive things, but certainly brought up old feelings and emotions, it has also helped me work through them and put them to bed. I can finally let some things go.

There are things I can’t change. Most I wouldn’t, a few I would without a doubt. In all honesty, I wouldn’t be me without the life I’ve lived. I wouldn’t be so understanding of other people, I wouldn’t be so grateful of everything I have. I’m not perfect, not by a long shot, but I don’t think anyone is. Maybe I don’t actually want to be perfect. It would be quite boring if everyone was!

So I’m working on moving on and leaving my past mistakes and bad memories behind. I’m still a bit muddled, but that’s me. Life is an adventure and for once I’m looking forward to being able to explore it.

Take care,
Claire x