SoberMe

My Not So Secret Diary

Imparting Wisdom to My Daughter

Imparting Wisdom to My Daughter Claire Hatwell recovery blog My Not So Secret Diary - writing, addiction, alcohol abuse, mental health Cornwall

I have a lovely relationship with my daughter. Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t always a walk in the park, she is very similar to me and when we get going, we both seem to know which buttons to push… but those moments are fairly few and far between.

Katie is 17 next month, our only daughter, while we have three sons, but I don’t think that is the reason we are close, she just really gets me, and I remember what it was like to be a teenage girl. The boys understand me too, but they are quite self-contained. In some ways she is too, she’s quite happy in her own company, but she’s also happy to spend time with me. In many ways, she is my best friend. There is very little I wouldn’t tell her, I hope it is the same for her.

More than ever I’m grateful for my sobriety now, when I look back and see the difference it has made to me and to my family. Sobriety hasn’t given me the relationships I have with my children, because we’ve always had a good connection, but it has given me more patience, and the ability to walk away when one of the four of them push my buttons. I’ve got a lot of patience, but also a bit of a temper. It takes me a lot, but when they do push too much I can snap and then it takes me a while to calm down. I’ve always hated that about myself, but there isn’t a lot I can do about it, it just seems to be the just the way I am. I guess the fact that I struggle to let go goes hand in hand with the over-thinking. It’s good to be able to take a step back now, to look at the situation at face value and to walk away if I need to, which everyone does at times. It works too, as long as they don’t follow me!

It’s funny though, recently, I have found myself wanting to teach Katie things that I haven’t done before. She often thinks I’m mad when I spot a stain on some clothing and enlist her help with an old wives tale method of removing it. Her face is a picture sometimes! We’ve been spending time cooking together too, which isn’t my strong point, but it’s like okay because in many ways, we’re learning together. She, like me is often afraid of getting things wrong, and I hope together we’re learning it is okay to make mistakes, that mistakes don’t mean we can’t try again. It’s lovely to have the clarity of mind, and the time, because like many working Mums I am busy, but I don’t have that need for a drink getting in the way, making me rush the time I’m spending with the kids, or being only half present. I’m only balancing my time between the four of them and normal everyday things. It’s strengthening our relationships, and I hope it continues.

I’m glad I have an honest and open relationship with the kiddies, while I was worried to open up to them, and afraid that they’d be ashamed of me, it actually makes me feel understood. I hope that it shows them that if I can overcome a problem like addiction, that they can too. It doesn’t even have to be the same problem, I just want them to know adversity can be overcome, in whatever form it takes. I hope they never end up in a situation like I was, but no one knows what is coming in the future. I just want them to know that I am always there for them, and I’ll understand. That if I can do it, so can they.

Thanks as always for reading.

Claire x