Have you read this? I think it’s actually my new favourite quit-lit book!! I loved the honesty of the author and really identifies with her need to keep up as well as her need to drink. Even know it helps to know I’m not the only one. What are you reading this weekend?
And on that note, have a great Saturday night everyone!!
So as you’ve probably gathered, I love cold water swimming. I haven’t missed a month in the last couple of years, but normally in the depths of winter, I can’t get my family anywhere near the water, so days like yesterday are brilliant. There is literally nothing like it to turn my worries off. I could have stayed in all day! Look at the colour of the water, we could be in the med!
The sun, sea and sand are just what I need to reset!
I try to keep my posts positive, because why would you want to read me whinging? Sometimes though, I’m not nearly so positive as I seem.
When I was drinking I hid behind the mask I showed the world, and although I don’t hide so much, I’m not great at saying that things aren’t always easy. It’s a hard one to explain, but sometimes I feel like I’m going to be caught out for being the fraud I feel I am. It isn’t something in particular, more that when I feel like this, I don’t feel like I’m that good at anything and that’s when I begin to pick fault… I have a temper that doesn’t come out unless I’m prodded too much, but then resembles a volcano. I’m told I hold a grudge, although I’d say I just like to deal with things rather than sweeping them to one side. Sometimes I wonder if I’m even in the same conversation as other people, because I don’t seem to hear or remember the things that other people do. I’m too sensitive, and I hate that. I can’t let things go, and spiral downwards because of something so stupid as a bad review, when I know and understand that not everyone is going to like what I write. I’m obsessive and anxious. My mind wanders and I focus too much or not at all. Words go onto paper, but I’m not so good at getting them out of my mouth. Sometimes I wonder why other people like me when I don’t like myself very much. I wonder if the wine broke me, because my logical mind and emotional mind don’t seem to match.
I don’t tend to post too much when I’m under a dark cloud as I feel awkward. It’s hard to admit that I feel down when I know I’m lucky, but unfortunately, being told to cheer up doesn’t help. Just as it didn’t help to tell me to stop drinking when I couldn’t. Sometimes it’s good to share, and if I haven’t bored you to tears, thank you for reading. I'm feeling better today, and know if I ride it out I’ll be okay, but sometimes I just want to hibernate. I do bounce back, but I hate feeling so gloomy, and hating the way I feel only adds to my annoyance at myself. I’m going to take some of my own advice now, and be kind to myself. Beating myself up won’t make things any better, but sometimes, it’s easier said than done.
It’s easy to beat ourselves up about the things we can’t change. I know, I’m pretty good at it too, but the thing is, beating ourselves up won’t change what happened or make us feel any better. What will make a difference is our choices going forward. So today try to be kind to yourself. Try to treat yourself with some of the compassion you save for others. Learn from your mistakes but don’t let them define you. Most of all, have a lovely sober day!
Oh these words, I could have written them myself! Thank you @florence for being so open!
#Repost from @asobergirlsguide
"It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that I had a problem with drinking because I was one of those drinkers where it was all or nothing. If I enjoy my drinking, I can’t control it and if I control my drinking, I don’t enjoy it.”
After an unplanned late night tonight I needed a quick dinner. I got the healthy stir fry bit right, but the side order of my chocolate milkshake from McDonalds probably lets me down! I needed a treat, but to be honest, anything is better than alcohol! I am so rock and roll!
When I began to acknowledge I had a problem with alcohol, I looked for any reason I could to justify it, so I could keep drinking. The thought of giving up completely was just terrifying, but in hindsight, I wish I’d stopped much longer ago. If you’re questioning your relationship with alcohol, why not try going sober for the summer? You never know, you might never go back! Trust me, I wouldn’t!!
💖💖 ..#sober #soberlife #sobercurious #soberaf #soberliving #sobermum #sobermovement #soberlifestyle #sobernation #sobercommunity #sobertribe #soberjourney #soberthinking #sobermotivation #soberisbetter #sobriety #sobrietyjourney #sobrietyisbeautiful #anxiety #copingstrategies #soberstories #sharing #soberinspiration #sobervibes #overthinking #sobersummer ♬ original sound - SoberMe_Claire" href="https://www.tiktok.com/music/original-sound-7124794692374022918">♬ original sound - SoberMe_Claire
@soberme_claire When I began to acknowledge I had a problem with alcohol, I looked for any reason I could to justify it, so I could keep drinking. The thought of giving up completely was just terrifying, but in hindsight, I wish I’d stopped much longer ago. If you’re questioning your relationship with alcohol, why not try going sober for the summer? You never know, you might never go back! Trust me, I wouldn’t!!
I’m just going to leave this here for you…
Supposedly people are different when they’re drinking. It’s true I suppose, but for me, it wasn’t like an on/off switch that flicked when I drank a glass of wine, it was more like a dimmer switch that never quite got turned off. The more often I drank, the more I wanted to drink, and the more I became someone I didn’t like. I told myself I was okay, because I didn’t drink in the day, and kidded myself I was all right, because I kept up the pretence of showing the world I was achieving everything I tried to. On the outside I was fine, but on the inside, I became less and less me, and more and more someone I didn’t recognise. The hold wine had on me was so strong I felt I had no choice but to shrug off my worries and continue to drink.
When I finally got sober, I thought the alcohol would wear off, and I’d just become ‘me’ again. I have, but it’s taken far longer than I expected. I suppose that’s the thing though, when you spend so many years drowning out your feelings and emotions, it’s hard to feel them all again. You have to relearn the way you think and feel and react. For instance, I hadn’t realised how insular I’d become, and how many protective barriers I’d put up, but now as my youngest child’s social circle expands, I’m finding mine is too. It’s hard, not horrible, but hard. I find myself exhausted, because it’s all new. The worst part is the feeling afterwards. I can do things, but after they’re done, I panic and over analyse myself, frequently ending up in tears. I remember too the things I’d rather not, it’s easier said than done just to move on, and while I’m trying, it’s a challenge. It’s just the way it’s got to be for a while. Eventually, these things I’m worrying about will come more naturally, and everything will be a little easier.
Just remember that sobriety is a journey, not a destination. You will get there, you just have to stick at it. Even on the hard days, I don’t regret my decision. The only failure would be to give up.
Happy 17th birthday to our lovely boy Barn. Hope you have the best day!
I love this. Who else resonates?
When I stopped drinking, my mind went crazy. Before, I thought I was a little anxious, but suddenly I found out that was an understatement. Without alcohol numbing my worries I suffered from overwhelming anxiety and panic attacks. I tried new things and I deal with it a little differently now. In fact, I’ve have found cold water swimming makes a huge difference! It calms my mind and soothes my soul, and being out in nature helps massively too!
What I’d say is don’t rule anything out, who knows what new hobbies you might discover!
What I’d say is don’t rule anything out, who knows what new hobbies you might discover!
water - Official Sound Studio" href="https://www.tiktok.com/music/water-6586874877469264644">♬ water - Official Sound Studio
@soberme_claire When I stopped drinking, my mind was no longer numbed and I suffered from overwhelming anxiety and panic attacks. I deal with it a little differently now, and have found cold water swimming makes such a difference! It calms my mind and soothes my soul, and being out in nature helps massively too! .#theheatwaveisover #wildswimming #cornwallswimming #bodminmoor #coldwaterswimmer #sober #sobermum #soberjourney #soberlife #sobriety #sobercommunity #soberuk #soberliving #sobermovement #sobermumtribe #sobercurious #soberlifehappylife #sobernation #sobernotboring #sobernotsorry #soberweekend #sobersaturday ♬
Misty on the moor today, and the water feels cooler again. Is it winter already?
Popped into town for a bit of lunch today; check out the amazing range of alcohol free options @cofo_cornishfocaccia has! Will definitely be popping back - plus the fact that my lunch was amazing!
If you’re just beginning your journey, you’re going to have to trust us on this, but honestly, it’s so true!
#Repost from @sobahsistahs
Alcohol is put up on a pedestal like it’s this magic liquid. You would think it was healthy, would solve your problems, make you look younger. When it does the opposite.
But the way it is used in our culture it’s as if nobody talks about that. It’s the elephant in the room.
A perfect afternoon, park after school in the sunshine and then a splash in the pool, although I seem to be a magnet for all the lego boats!! Also, do you know how hard it is to get a five year old to smile when you want a photo?
Just thought I'd share my books with you all, have you read either of these?
Just thought I'd share my books with you all, have you read either of these?
💖 Both are available on Amazon and through all good bookshops! 💖 #books #soberbooks #sobriety #soberjourney #soberinspiration #soberlife #soberaf #sobertiktok #sobertok #sobercurious #soberliving #sobermum #soberauthor #authorsoftiktok ♬ live - Official Sound Studio" href="https://www.tiktok.com/music/live-6662607336600767234">♬ live - Official Sound Studio
@soberme_claire Are you in need of some sober inspiration? Have you read my books?
To anyone that needs to hear this right now, you are strong. You can do this. Don’t look too far forward, just deal with this moment
Repost from @drop_the_bottle_
When we have a craving to drink, our brain will come up with all sorts of reasons to justify having a drink.
Our brain will literally lie to us when we want something bad enough.
Play the tape forward.
What will really happen if you have a drink?
Think about all the negative consequences and remember why you wanted to stop in the first place.
I honestly was going to enter the @londonlandmarkshalf right until they sent me an email offering me a free glass of prosecco as an ‘incentive’ - I’m over supporting alcohol at events like that, and to be honest, the last thing anyone wants after running 13.1 miles is alcohol!
The one rule I live by
Alcohol is often portrayed as a reward, something to relax with after a long day, and while that may be true, it has a lot of other effects too, some which aren’t nearly as nice. Moving away from drinking alcohol can be difficult; we can feel we’re missing out, mainly due to the perceived romantic association that it creates a good time. It might seem we need it to produce that image, but in reality, it’s what we’re doing and who we’re with that makes a good time. Alcohol doesn’t add anything to that.
One of the hardest things for me was getting over the idea of drinking. Hearing about a social event or driving past a beer garden was difficult; I imagined everyone enjoying themselves and felt I couldn’t. Now, a good time doesn’t include alcohol because for me, like many, the idea and the reality don’t align. I’d be chasing a feeling I couldn’t reach, where one glass isn’t enough. Rethinking and relearning are tricky, but not impossible. Now, more than ever, there are so many alternatives available which give us the opportunity to relax and unwind with something grown up or special, that won’t lead us to say something we shouldn’t or leave us waking up with a headache.
Finding an alcohol free option is quite a refreshing alternative, mainly because you can get the same enjoyment, without the side effects, and there are so many available now, there is literally something for everyone. Personally, I steer clear of alcohol free wines as they are a bit of a reminder of times gone by, but some of the botanical gins on offer are another story. If you’re thinking about cutting down or avoiding alcohol for any reason, summer BBQ’s and social gatherings don’t need to be avoided. Many of the options, especially the alcohol free beers, don’t look any different to the traditional variety, so no one would even have to know! So why not, when you can have a drink without getting a sore head or saying something you come to regret!
I wrote this piece originally for Launceston Life - but I wanted to share it with you all too.
I love this saying!!
original sound - SoberMe_Claire" href="https://www.tiktok.com/music/original-sound-7121712503163554565">♬ original sound - SoberMe_Claire
@soberme_claire #question from @soberme_claire I literally thought sobriety meant the end of the world as I knew it. I couldn’t begin to think what a sober life looked like. I didn’t know how I’d live and how I’d cope missing out on all the ‘normal’ things… now I can honestly say that before I stopped drinking, I was missing out on life. Now I get to enjoy every minute of it, the good bits and the not so good bits! Here’s some of the small reasons my weekends will always stay sober now..#sober #soberlife #sobercurious #soberaf #soberliving #sobersunday #sobermum #sobermovement #soberlifestyle #sobernation #sobercommunity #sobertribe #soberjourney #soberthinking #sobermotivation #soberisbetter #sobriety #sobrietyjourney #sobrietyisbeautiful #anxiety #copingstrategies #soberstories #sharing #soberinspiration #soberweekend #sobervibes ♬
Hot days mean nice new drinks, ones that don’t affect my mood or give me a hangover! This one is particularly yummy and smells delicious!
I was given a bottle of wine the other day as a present. It was a really kind thought, and the person who gave it to me had no idea about my story, or the fact that I haven’t had an alcoholic drink in 5 years and ten months (not that I’m counting). It wasn’t the present itself so much that surprised me, but actually my reaction to it. The bottle didn’t bother me at all while it was in the gift bag, but then I took it out, and held it just for a moment as I was going to give it to someone else who would make better use of it. Just for a second as I held it, I wondered if it was possible that I was fixed. I wondered if I could have a drink. Just the one you know, because surely now, after this long I could moderate? And of course, there was the idea that I was missing out by not drinking, that somehow I was being rude or ungrateful... I put the bottle down quickly, because, no, I can’t moderate, and no, one glass would not be enough. Once it was out of my hand I was fine again, because I know, I don’t actually want to drink. Afterwards I realised that I haven’t held a bottle of ‘real’ wine in years, so I suppose that alone would be a trigger. I just wasn’t expecting it, but it’s like I’ve always said, getting complacent about your sobriety is when it’s going to jump up and bite you on the arse. Addiction is always waiting.
Honestly though, I don’t miss drinking. Yes, that bottle triggered a thought, but my reality wouldn’t have matched up to the dream my brain was trying to suggest, and I know as clear as anything, that I do not want to go down that road again.
Just to be clear, I can drink, I’m allowed to, but I don’t want to, and that choice makes me stronger. Remember that if you’re having a wobbly moment. It’s okay to question yourself, just don’t drink. You’ll not regret that choice in the long run.
This week I have had to do far more than my share of peopling… three kids parties in a week is a lot for anyone! But, you know what? I’ve survived. Yes, it’s been a touch emotional here and there, but it’s been okay. No one hates me, or if they do, they’re being polite and keeping it to themselves, and I feel like I’ve done the right thing as a mum. My kids are aware of my anxiety, but they don’t deserve to be affected by it. By pushing through I’m showing them that they don’t have to run away from things they find hard, and that we can overcome them. It’s easy to hide from things, but I refuse to do that nowadays. Even when it’s hard.
I hope you’ve all had a lovely day?
Would you like to be involved in my new book?
I'm looking for stories of recovery and your journey to sobriety. Or perhaps you've supported someone on their journey? I'm looking for real experiences from real people.
We all have different experiences and different stories in our pasts, but those stories are important as they will mean something to someone else on their journey.
If you'd like to be part of it, drop me a message or a dm, firstname.lastname@example.org - I'd love to hear from you!
And thanks to those of you who are already working with me!
Last night! My five year old has an active social life which is forcing me into situations I wasn’t expecting! I’m exhausted and we still have one more birthday party this week!
It always seems like a good idea, and then I wonder what I’m doing it for, and then I realise why I do it… but it’s so hot… I’m talking about my morning run of course. Does wonders for my mind when it’s being loud. Might have to take up running in the dark if it gets as hot as they’re predicting though!
Bedtime reading… I’ve loved all of Bryony’s precious books and this one has me hooked so far. What books have caught your attention this week?
If you’re having a tough time, try to remember this… it’s true and things get easier - just be kind to yourselves.
💖 .#sober #soberlife #sobercurious #soberaf #soberliving #sobersunday #sobermum #kidsparty #sobermovement #soberlifestyle #sobernation #sobercommunity #sobertribe #soberjourney #soberthinking #sobermotivation #soberisbetter #sobriety #sobrietyjourney #sobrietyisbeautiful #anxiety #copingstrategies #soberstories #sharing #soberinspiration ♬ Canyons - Official Sound Studio" href="https://www.tiktok.com/music/Canyons-6681198633301314311">♬ Canyons - Official Sound Studio
@soberme_claire Getting sober and staying sober is much easier when you put the right things in place to support you. Whatever anyone says, you can’t rely on willpower alone! Here’s what’s in my sober toolbox, how about you share some of your ideas with me too?
Hot day… school run… these iced drinks are becoming a habit.
Sobriety is… freedom.
Tonight I am able to drive my daughter to meet her friends for dinner. I didn’t rush to get back for a drink, I was exactly where I needed to be. I even did the journey twice as she forgot her ID and later if she wants a lift home, I will be more than able to do that too, regardless of what time it is.
We did it. It wasn’t too bad. Stanley had fun. I ended up playing with the kids in all the games (kids are definitely less scary than adults). I don’t think anyone hates me. One more sober event ticked off my list!! And now to relax! I do find social situations taxing!
Thanks so much for all your support earlier. It means so much!
I woke up with the fear this morning. To be honest, that’s nothing new, but it’s been there all weekend and I didn’t know why. I ran through my usual checklist, no I didn’t drink last night, no I don’t need to be worried about anything in particular, everyone in my family is okay… and then I realised what it is, this afternoon, my five year old is going to a birthday party. To some, that will seem like nothing. It’s not even about me, it’s about him and his friends, but, it’s more than that. I worry about what people think about me, even now. I still haven’t infiltrated the groups of parents successfully at his school, he’s only been there since September. I expect people to think the worst of me, and while I don’t apologise for being me, I do expect people to judge. I write for a local monthly magazine, so anyone can read my thoughts on sobriety, but they don’t know the whole story, and I feel that will make them think the worst of me. Then, I worked something else out, when my other kids were this age, I would have come home after the party to drink wine, and wash away the worries. To be honest, there probably would have been wine at most of the parties i went to. I don’t do that anymore. I’m doing it all on my own, and while I know I’ll be fine, I can’t say I’m looking forward to it. The thing is, I try not to run away anymore, so I’m going to go, and I’m going to do my best. While it’s hard, I’m not going to pretend to be someone I’m not. I’m going to be me, and if that’s not good enough, then I’m not sure I want friends like that anyway. I know I’m a good mum, so I’m going for him, not for them, and if I have a nice time too, then that’s a bonus.
Feeling all the feelings today, but I’m doing it anyway. I hope you all have a lovely day xx
Dealing with things head on can be tough, but in the long run, it’s far better than hiding from our feelings or drinking them away. For so long I hid, but now, even when things are tricky, they are real. It’s a much better place to be in!
We all have different experiences and different stories in our pasts, but those stories are important as they will mean something to someone else on their journey. Would you like to be involved in my new project? I'm looking for stories of recovery and your journey to sobriety. Or perhaps you've supported someone on their journey? It doesn't have to be something out of the ordinary, I'm looking for real experiences from real people. If you'd like to be part of it, drop me a message or a dm, email@example.com - I'd love to hear from you!
And thanks to those of you who are already working with me!
💖 #sober #soberjourney #sobertiktok #sobertok #soberstories #sobriety #soberlife #soberliving #sobercurious #sobernotboring #beach #cornwall #freedom #summer #dryjuly #soberthoughts #worksforme ♬ Sunrise - Official Sound Studio" href="https://www.tiktok.com/music/Sunrise-6618871733141113604">♬ Sunrise - Official Sound Studio
@soberme_claire I always looked for a reason to keep drinking because the thought of being sober terrified me. On the otherside, I know there’s no way I’d go back, so I thought I’d share with you a few few of my favourite reasons!
I know those of us that choose not to drink alcohol don’t dominate the world (yet) but, this card makes me angry, and the fact that shops fill their shelves with things like this that glamourise drinking. No, we don’t need gin to make any event special, @asda I am disappointed.
Packaging up some more cards and badges today. I really enjoy hearing from the people that buy from me, but then they do say that connection is the opposite of addiction!
Sharing one of my favourite places with my good friend @shaena_kaseyjay today - it was so good to see you!
Everyone has hard moments. Some last for a few seconds, some are unfortunately longer. Just remember, they will pass. Stay strong.
It was sports day for my littlest today, and as I sat watching him in the field I got to thinking. Alcohol as we know is entrenched in our lives, from social events to celebrations and everything in between, but for me at least it went even further. When our older children were at primary school alcohol was involved in every school event, in fact I remember drinking PTFA supplied Pimms and lemonade at my last sports day. Every school event endorsed the whole mummy wine culture and at the time I saw nothing wrong with it. Rather, I was pleased as it enabled me. It reinforced my thoughts about drinking and let me continue pretending I was all right, as long as I didn’t look too closely at myself.
Today was different. I’m still getting to know a lot of the parents as Stanley’s only in his first year, but the whole afternoon was relaxed and happy; the kids had fun and so did the parents. There was no hiding behind glasses or drinks, we just enjoyed being. And the best bit was that there was plenty of tea to drink, and not a drop of alcohol.
Tuesday trainer pic… today I braved the spare seats near the front to be able to watch my son swim in his lesson. I don’t know what I was thinking. Within minutes the crowd had descended and I felt claustrophobic. I leave seats where they are put, but apparently I am in the minority. My gut reaction was to run away. I actually wanted to. It would have been easier to, but my son was swimming and I wanted to be there for him. So I took a deep breath and stayed. Even though two boys decided to reenact a wrestling scene right next to me, and kept banging into me. I rose above.
Peopling is still hard, but I didn’t run away. I consider that a win.
Mistakes, yep, I’ve made a few, but do you know what? Beating ourselves up about them won’t make them go away. So let’s start a fresh with a clean slate today and make it a great day!