My Not So Secret Diary

Sharing My Thoughts

Sharing My Thoughts by writing about sobriety and recovery for my blog My Not So Secret Diary by Claire Hatwell
Writing can be nerve wracking. I share my thoughts and my emotions with everyone who reads my blog, and I trust that my opinion is respected, which on the whole it is, which is lovely. While it is scary, there is nothing more therapeutic for me than getting the words out and down on to paper, it’s a way of sorting through my mind and organising it. It seems to be the best thing I’ve found so far for untangling myself.

There is always an element of worry though, maybe that I have shared too much, or given too much away. I often procrastinate before I press the share button, and afterwards I often worry I’ve done the wrong thing, but once I start seeing lovely comments I begin to relax again. There’s still a lot I don’t share, but I do share a lot. I worry about what people will think about what I have to say, and yet sometimes, judgements come from those closer to me than I would like. That never fails to surprise me.

As I said, I do sometimes wonder if I share too much, but in all honesty, I worry less about what ‘strangers’ think or say, than those closer to me. It’s the main reason I started this blog without my name or a recognisable picture, it wasn’t that I didn’t want to share my thoughts, because I did, I just didn’t want people I knew to read them straightaway. It’s been a while now, and I’m more confident. When I write I’m not trying to please anyone, but it’s a bonus that I do, and I really like that I people enjoy my writing.

It’s a reality that most people close to me didn’t know I had a drinking problem or severe anxiety, because I chose not to tell them. It was easier not to show anyone anything below the surface, but it must be strange for those of them who read my blog to learn about it now. As I’ve said before, I was so afraid of judgement that I kept things to myself. I was hard enough on myself, as most people with an addiction are, that I didn’t need anyone else adding to that. I didn’t want any comments on what I should or shouldn’t be doing, regardless of how helpful they were intended to be.

It’s different now. I feel more comfortable in my own skin than I have done in years. I feel like I have found myself, if that makes sense? I still have wobbly days, but I guess to some extent, everyone does. Knowing that I am not the only one actually helps me feel better about myself too.

Honestly though, since starting this blog I feel like I’ve found my tribe. I seem to have more in common with you all, the people I talk to on here than I do with most other people, so thank you for being here, for reading, commenting and supporting me. It means a lot, and I am very grateful.

Much love,
Claire x