My Not So Secret Diary


I’m never quite sure how to take compliments. I don’t quite believe them - normally I feel like it’s a wind up or a joke to be made at my expense. The other thing is I worry about is their intentions. It’s weird but I can’t see a compliment as it’s meant, or how I am expected to take it, rather than looking for an ulterior notice. I know I should try not to read more into things than is intended and take them at face value, but it’s hard sometimes. Of course, then I remind myself that if something isn’t intended in a nice way, I really should have no reason to care. Should I even know? It shouldn’t really matter and it isn’t really our business what other people think about us as long as it doesn’t affect us. It’s different if it’s aimed at us or intended to cause us harm. Instead of letting it wash over me, I worry about what is said and how it’s meant and then of course about my reaction to it.

When I get any comment on any of my writing I try to carefully word my response. I want everyone to know how much I value your feedback and opinions. I also don’t want to offend anyone and it’s easy to mis-read something said online or via message. For example I had a message in response to one of my posts saying the reason people drink is when they to get drunk. I get it, a lot of people do have that reason but I didn’t actually. I only drank to take the edge off and when I started to get drunk, have blackouts or become forgetful more often that was when I began to realise I might have had a problem.

I worry about about how to respond and yet, I’m not going to ignore comments as I want this blog to be inclusive and supportive for everyone. For that reason I welcome only positive or helpful comments, not those that are spiteful or judgemental to anyone. I’m not saying I am going to agree with every comment, or that everyone should agree with my opinion, but it’s my page and I like having a voice. I want this to be a respectful and safe place with those who need support to be able to find it. I want people to hear what I have to say because voices like mine matter. They help those out who aren’t sure if they are okay or not, those who might be afraid or not know where to turn. If I can reach one person that was like me, then it makes it all worthwhile.

I find it great being able to talk to you all. I like to hear what you’re up to. It’s nice to have a connection with others who are like minded. Sometimes, personal comments aimed at me or the way I look can make me feel really uncomfortable. I mean, it’s nice to know I look okay, but that’s not really what my page is about. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to react to it. I’m a happily married mum and my family means everything to me. It doesn’t change the fact that I write to express myself, but the way I look shouldn’t come into it. It doesn’t make a difference to what I’ve said. But then, maybe I’m a being judgemental or reading too much into things because it doesn’t bother me half so much if a comment comes from a woman. I’m working on my insecurities now though. I’m trying not to let things bother me, and letting other things go a bit. Hopefully one day I’ll get there!

Words are a funny thing really aren’t they? They can be taken in different ways, or misinterpreted. It’s hard when we read things to be sure that we aren’t taking them the wrong way, but know that everything I write comes from a good place.

Take care everyone.
Claire x