My Not So Secret Diary

A Poem For Women In Recovery

RecoveryEvening everyone! I was sent this poem yesterday and I wanted to share it with you all, I think it’s beautiful! I hope you like it! xx

A Poem for Women in Recovery
I always said “I’m sorry”
for everything I did
I think that it began
When I was just a kid.
I’m sorry that I’m little
I’m sorry I get mad
I’m sorry if I’m not as smart
As my mom or dad.
I’m sorry that I’m shy
And that my chest is flat.
I’m sorry I’m not ready
To do the stuff like that.
I’m sorry about the baby
He’s colicky; he’ll cry
I’m sorry I can’t comfort him
No matter how I try.
I’m sorry for my house
It’s messy, we have boys...
I’m sorry for my car
It’s making a strange noise.
I’m sorry about my cooking
It isn’t always great.
I’m sorry that I’m tired
I’m sorry that I’m late.
Sorry about the garden
The yard is such a mess
I need to do some weeding
We need to fix the fence…
I’m sorry about my dog
He should be better trained
I’m sorry about my kitchen
I’m sorry about my brain.
I’m sorry about my hair
I’m sorry I’m a bore
I’m sorry sometimes I forget
What I had said before.
Sorry I was quiet
Sorry if I said too much
Sorry I was clumsy
Sorry I was rushed.
Sorry I spent money
Sorry I was cheap
Sorry I’m so sensitive
Sorry I’m too deep.
Sorry that I drank too much
Sorry that I quit
Sorry if you find that weird
Sorry for my shit.
I’ve been sorry for my flaws
Each and every one
And yet I have to tell you
Sorry isn’t fun.
I’m sick of saying sorry
Or swallowing my words
It’s time I just said “fuck that”
All these “sorrys” are absurd.
I’m not sorry for my thoughts
My hips, my breasts, my brain
I’m not sorry for my feelings
I’m not sorry for my pain.
I’m not sorry for my cooking
It’s nourishing and good
I’m not sorry for my car
It takes me where it should.
I’m not sorry for my home
It’s filled with love and care
I’m not sorry for my body
My wrinkles or my hair.
I’m not sorry for my voice
I think it should be heard
I’m not sorry for the many times
I’m searching for a word.
I’m not sorry that I’m sober
It’s how I want to be
I’m not sorry if you wish I’d drink,
I’ll have a cup of tea.
I’m not sorry that I’m human
Warm and soft and kind
I’m not sorry I’m imperfect
In body and in mind.
I’m ready for that chapter
Of apologies to end
I’m ready for acceptance
Of everything I am.
And so I’ll just apologize
One last heartfelt time
To the person that I’ve been, and am
The person that is fine.
I’m sorry, little girl
That I criticized you so
I’m sorry, awkward teenager
I should have let you know
That you were truly lovely
Compassionate and smart
I’m sorry brand new mother
With your enormous heart.
I’m sorry middle-aged me
I love you, you’re a dear
I’m sorry that I’ve hurt you
But that is stopping here.
I’m finding self-compassion
The missing link, I think
I know it’s what I didn’t have
When I would choose to drink.
My light is shining brightly
My sisters are at hand
I’m ready to take care of me
In every way I can.
I’m rising through my sadness
I’m rising from my pain
I’m rising from my guilt
I’m rising from my shame.
I’m ready now to stand
I’m ready soon to soar
I’m ready, please come with me
I see an open door.

~~~Nancy P, a woman in recovery