My Not So Secret Diary

Fierce Calm

Fierce CalmThis is from over two years ago, but I never shared it… Repost from @fierce_calm

"I felt I wasn’t good enough, which compounded the anxiety I suffered. Depression followed me over the years & being told to ‘pull myself together’ made me feel like a fraud, like I was attention seeking. I had no way of expressing myself, because I didn’t fit in & mental health issues weren’t spoken about"
Meet @mrs_h_82 sharing her #yogasavedmylife story
"One thing that helped was drinking wine. It was a slippery slope, & one I didn’t realise I was on until it was too late. Combining my hectic mind with a stressful job, a husband working long hours & young children meant I looked forward to a glass in the evenings. Over the years the kids got older but the pressure increased as I tried to juggle more & more, even completing a degree alongside everything else. The more I did, the more I drank. One glass became 2, 3 & soon it was 2 bottles to myself every single evening. I deluded myself that I was ok, because I still had my family, home, job, I didn’t even drink in the day.. surely that meant I couldn’t be an alcoholic...
But of course I was. Blackouts from drinking meant my anxiety soared, my self confidence plummeted & I hit rock bottom. I had nothing left & pushed everyone away.
Recovery was terrifying. I loved drinking, it was my constant & I had to relearn everything. Without it my mind was chaotic, never stopped whirring. Wine had been my buffer, my release & relaxation if I coped throughout the day. I didn’t know what to do with myself & I was always on edge.
Then I found yoga. I wasn’t flexible or strong. I couldn’t do the poses. In fact I was weaker than I had ever been, mentally & physically. Slowly though, I found that my body could still do so much for me. It made me proud, & I began to get better. Through yoga I found running, & I got stronger, my mind calmer; I healed. It’s been a long, hard road, but I haven’t had a drink in three years & don’t intend ever to go back to that place.
Yoga gave me back my mind. It taught me that I am capable, & strong, I feel like a warrior now


So I’m going to put it out there, this advert offends me. I know advertising is meant to sell; but I was really disappointed to see this sign as I left a service station recently. It’s the sort of advert I would have looked to for reassurance that my drinking was okay, even when I really wasn’t anymore. It reinforces the message that you need alcohol to make your holiday great. I’ve said it before, but I will say it again; I’m not suggesting everyone should avoid alcohol, but I don’t agree with adverts like this because to be honest, they aren’t true, and they’re portraying something that isn’t real. Opening a bottle of any alcoholic drink is not going to make your holiday perfect, although there is the possibility it could ruin it. I’ve had some of the best holidays of my life since I’ve been sober. I’ve found I don’t need to drink to make it more enjoyable, I’ve actually enjoyed myself far more, relaxed more and had a lot more fun, as well as being less emotional and rushed, just because alcohol hasn’t been involved. So to see an advert so clearly trying to promote a false idea just upset me. I guess it reminds me a lot of how vulnerable I was. Something needs to change, because while there are adverts brainwashing people into feeling they need alcohol, a whole lot of people won’t address their problems.
Take care, Claire x


AffectI agree 100% Repost from @jenleehirst•

Addiction ripples into every single aspect of our lives, and so does sobriety. As long as we stay sober, everyone benefits.
Because there is no better gift I can give my kids.
There is no better gift I can give my husband.
There is better gift I can give myself.
It took me four years to share publicly about my history with alcohol. I thought it was something I should keep hidden, like it’s something to be ashamed of.
So I was...for many years.
But once I got the courage to come out went I started Beachbody coaching five years years ago, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted. There’s no other way to describe it.
I had no more secrets. I didn’t have to explain why I wasn’t drinking to others unless they didn't know. And I didn’t get the weird reactions I thought I would when I come out. Instead I received praise and encouragement.
Own your sobriety. Wear it like a badge of honor. You never know who might need someone to raise their hand first. Your transparency will lead to other people's transformation. You will be the example of what is possible


Mocktail 3Well this was rather yummy! So if someone offers you ‘cuddles on the beach’ say yes!! I love being offered a variety of non-alcoholic drinks, because sober really does not mean boring! In fact I had such a lovely day at the weekend, and it wasn’t affected in any way by me wanting or needing a drink. In fact, afterwards I sat with my cup of tea, remembering what a great day we all had, and I wouldn’t change anything!
Mocktails 1Mocktails 2

My Decision

DecisionI like this. It’s very true and it’s decision I’d happily make every day now! .Repost from @sobrietysisterhood•Like and share this if you agree. It doesn’t matter if you’re at day 1 or day 1001, it is a daily (sometimes hourly) choice to keep on your sober journey. The cravings are less. You learn how to avoid or deal with triggers. You realize how awesome you can be without alcohol messing you up..

However, I know that I could undo all of my good work within one decision. I know that if I choose to have ‘just one’, it will lead me back to the person I used to be and I had a hard time loving the old me.
It might not happen straight away, but I know myself well enough to know that it will never stop at one.
So I make the decision every day to not drink alcohol.

Sobriety is Freedom

FreedomIf you had asked me a few years ago, I never would have agreed with this, but it’s so true!

Monday Morning

Monday MorningMonday morning school run… I have had the best weekend and all it involved was me and my family. A bank holiday weekend a few years ago would have been an excuse to drink more wine. It would have been perfectly acceptable to do so… but, in the back of my mind would have been the worry, where was the next drink coming from, was I acting okay? My glass always seemed to be empty in those last few years before I stopped. Waking up this morning, yes, I am tired, but I remember everything, not just the bits where I embarrassed myself. We had fun and I didn’t make a fool of myself. I’m not struggling to remember what I said or did, because I know. Most of all, I feel happy and wait for it… relaxed. That isn’t a feeling that comes easy to me, so things have definitely changed. There’s no way I’d change them back now! .I hope you all had a great weekend too?


FamilyDays like today make me very happy!.It’s so simple, spending time with my family, but it means the world being able to have time together. Especially as they all get older, they have less time for us, and that’s the way it should be, but knowing today they all chose to be with us was lovely!


BooksMiley hasn’t decided which one to read first!