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, but I just feel lazy and grubby if I leave it any longer. It’s like the fact that I have to put my eyeliner and mascara on every morning, despite the fact that I rarely see anyone other than family, and if I do, I’ve probably got my sunglasses on and they can’t even see it! It just makes me feel like I’ve made an effort.

I suppose, for me at least, it’s a coping strategy, a way to tick the boxes and make me feel like I’m doing the things I need to, even when I don’t see people, and I guess, that routine is all we have during lockdown, when all our normal routines are changed or missing, but, I’m also aware that sometimes I can’t rely on these little habits, and so I’m trying to push myself a little bit. I had full intention of not getting the hoover out today. I wasn’t going to do it. In the end, I did, but on the positive side, it wasn’t the first thing I did. Lee and Barn were cutting our hedges yesterday and a stray leaf found it’s way inside the backdoor. Once I’d see it I just felt uncomfortable, and had to do it.

I do find it funny how these silly little things can help us cope. Who would have thought such a small thing like hoovering, or putting on make up can settle my mind and stop me feeling uncomfortable!

Do any of you have little habits like this? Or am I the only crazy one?


Take care and thanks for reading.
Claire x

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• I might be anxious a lot of the time, but it shows I care far more than I should about a lot of things.
• I might not be the thinnest, but my husband loves me, and my body is strong now. It also gave us our four wonderful children, and is capable of running long distances.
• I might not know everything, but I’m pretty clever and can be very dedicated to learning something when it suits me.
• I’m hyperaware which can be annoying, but it also means I notice the little things going on around me. I’d probably make a good detective!
• I feel like I’m not doing enough or I’ve let people down, but that’s because I always want to do the best I can, all the time.
• I worry about what people think of me, but that’s because I want to be recognised for getting things right.

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• It can affect or numb our feelings. Often one of the main reasons for having a drink is to help us cope with a stressful situation. This could be a long term stress, where we drink regularly to cope, or more short term, perhaps after a particularly hard day. A downside of this is that the feeling can be addictive. We can search out that feeling of relief but that often comes with an increased price and that means more to drink. We also need to remember that while drinking provides a quick fix, there are other longer term solutions out there that don’t have the same side effects.
• Depression and anxiety. Alcohol is a depressant. While it may calm and numb, it also can make us feel anxious or depressed. It is thought in the UK that there is a strong link between those with anxiety and those with an alcohol dependency. Serotonin is a chemical relating to our mood which is affected by regular intake of alcohol and this imbalance can cause us to drink more as things get a bit squiffy. While some people drink to feel that they are boosting their confidence and aiding their anxiety, actually it affects our brain chemistry and our neurotransmitters. This means it’s not only our mental health that is affected, but we may be less balanced and more likely to make rash decisions.
• Relationships. We’ve all said things we don’t mean in the heat of the moment, but when we drink, it lowers our inhibitions resulting in confrontations, arguments and in extreme circumstances violence. It’s not just at home that these problems can occur, or even while we’re drinking. It’s likely that the effects of alcohol will affect our day to day lives, our reliability, our reactions and our health. It can end up making us a bit of a liability in the relationship stakes.

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• Awareness. It sounds rubbish, but by being aware of what you are drinking you no longer have your head in the sand. This is one of the first things that made me realise just how much I was drinking. I didn’t change it for a while, mainly because I wasn’t ready to, but just realising how bad I was made me want to change something.
• Measure your units. They say that men and women in the UK shouldn’t exceed 14 units of alcohol a week, but of course that does not take into consideration your weight or height, which must play a part. The guidelines state that one unit is 76ml of wine. Well I know for sure that my glass was 250ml at the very least and it wasn’t the biggest. So I was drinking 3 units per glass, and at least six glasses a night, which means I was drinking more than the weekly guidelines per day. Every single day. Easy to run away with you isn’t it? Especially when you think it’s only a glass or two. Glasses at home are the worst, they are so big compared to measures in the pub, so just be aware.
• Drink free days. It’s easier said than done for some people, I know I really struggled with this. It made me stress out because I was so dependent on wine for my anxiety, and if I didn’t drink one night, which was rare, I just thought about when I could drink again. I’m all or nothing when it comes to drinking. Cutting down though is best, so try to manage two days at least a week if you can.
• Stay in contact. Meetings work for some people, but if you don’t want to meet other people, like me, you can try online communities. There are so many out there, and knowing you are not alone can really help.
• Ask for help. I for one am not keen on doctors, but, there is a time and a place, and for me, I needed some advice from a medical professional. I drank too much to be able to go cold turkey without it being dangerous. Please don’t try to stop suddenly if you are in a similar place, as it can cause a lot of problems for your body.
• Find things to do. Everyone has triggers that are individual to them. For me it was certain situations or times of the day. I found 5-6pm particularly hard, and associated it with my first glass of the evening, it’s sometimes called ‘wine o’clock’ for that reason. If I could get out and get past that time, it was often easier not to have a drink. Although don’t get me wrong, I still found it hard. New hobbies and time for yourself help, so don’t be afraid to spoil yourself a little.
• Expect it to be hard. I read a lot of experiences from people who maybe did a few days without drinking and then seemed fixed. Don’t get me wrong, it is amazing if that works for you, but don’t be disheartened if it doesn’t. I almost felt there was something wrong with me, (besides addiction), when I wasn’t fixed straight away. It is a hard road, but one I wouldn’t change, I just think it might have been easier for me if I had been prepared for it to be so hard.
• Don’t feel you have to explain yourself or make excuses. Frankly it is no-one else’s business whether you drink or don’t drink. Don’t put yourself into situations where you are challenged to the point of breaking your resolve and don’t feel you need to tell others anything. It is up to you what you do, and I found a lot of people don’t understand. It took a while for me to be okay with my new found sobriety and be able to take judgements from others without it affecting me. Now I feel stronger in my sobriety, it makes no difference to me what other people think, but it’s taken a long time to feel like that. I still worry I’ll be judged, but I am wrong more often than not, and it’s just because I don’t like being different!
• Save your money. A lot of people find putting the money you would spend on drinking into a jar, and visually being able to see how much you have saved yourself is really helpful. There are apps which do this for you too!
• Remember that no one is the same. Different approaches work for different people. Just because something does or doesn’t work for you doesn’t mean it is wrong. Just do what you need to, and remember that it will get easier. I promise. It just takes time.

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I’m an avid tea drinker. I alway have been, but in recent years I have discovered a new love of tea.

I think for a long time, I thought it was too ‘mumsy’ to drink in the evenings. I felt it a bit boring, but that was just because I was so used to drinking wine.

It took me quite a while to get into the habit of drinking tea in the evening. It felt a bit wrong which is odd, because I drink a lot of it in the day. During my first attempt at sobriety Lee took me out and we bought a nice tea pot, some new mugs and a jug. The idea was to be able to make a nice cup of tea in the evenings, and to have things to make it a little different from in the day. The thought behind it was making it special rather than just popping a tea bag in a mug and drinking it without thinking about it. If I could make an occasion of it, so to speak, we hoped I’d drink tea instead of wine. Obviously that was a long time ago, and it didn’t work then.

Now though there is nothing I like more than a nice cup of tea. Even when it’s warm weather, like when we’ve been on holiday abroad, I still have to pop the kettle on. My family often make comments about me being slightly mad! I don’t mind though, there’s just something comforting about it.

I enjoy tea so much now that besides my ‘normal’ tea, I have an array of loose leaf teas, herbal teas, infusers and tea pots. Some people enjoy going into coffee shops and smelling the different blends, well I’m the same in a tea shop. I could be possibly likened to the kid in a sweetshop analogy! But, it’s quite an interesting habit to have.

I also enjoy going out to cafes although clearly not at the moment. It was never something I would have done before. For one, I would have been far too nervous and secondly I would have preferred a glass of wine. It’s nice not to be like that anymore, and I enjoy going out when I can, without the stress of wondering if I could get a glass of wine. There is something quite enjoyable about having a pot of tea when you’re out. I like the ceremony of it, if that makes sense, waiting for it to brew, and making it, rather than having it done for me. In fact my son Barn and I got into quite a nice routine of going out for tea together when I was pregnant with Stanley. He likes a good cup of tea too, but I think he also looked forward to the cake!

It’s quite a mindful exercise though if you do it properly. Not just making a quick cup, although I am guilty of that too! Especially in the morning before work! But if you slow down and take your time, it’s a nice grounding exercise. At least I find it to be.

I’m drinking a cup of my favourite bedtime tea as I write this. It smells gorgeous, of nutmeg and camomile. I like to think it helps me sleep but to be honest I’d probably still drink it even if it didn’t. Lee says I am a creature of habit, and it’s true, but if tea and biscuits is my worst habit now, I don’t think it’s such a bad thing!

Take care, and thanks for reading.
Claire x

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• Having the courage to face your problems and do something about them. (Rather than bury your head in the sand like I did for years!)
• Asking for help when it terrifies you.
• Having the courage to say no to a drink even when you think you want one or when it would be easier to say yes, than to have to explain yourself.
• Telling the people you care about that actually you’re not as perfect as you’d like them to think you are.
• Accepting yourself, all the good bits and all the bad bits.
• Standing up for what you believe in, regardless of what it is and whether others agree with you or not. (Unless it’s something really bad!)

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