My Not So Secret Diary


Laughter playing with my daughter Katie Hatwell on Snapchat. Writing for my sobriety blog My Not So Secret Diary by Claire Hatwell
I find social media a funny old thing. I quite like it, and yet I don’t. It has a place, and I like the connection it gives us all, especially at times like this, but sometimes I find it takes my attention when I’d rather it didn’t. I have to remind myself that it isn’t the only way to connect with others, and that virtual likes while good aren’t the most important thing in the world. I think for someone like me who is quite anxious, it’s almost easier to write and rewrite a comment, than it is to speak to someone, as you can’t delete what you’ve said when you feel like you’ve made a mistake. On the other hand, of course, I often feel anxious about when I’ve posted something, whether on my page or my private profile. I wonder if I’ve said the right thing, or too much or embarrassed myself. A common theme is if I post at night. Waking up to lots of notifications worries me as it makes me question what I posted the night before. Although I am always aware now of what I’ve posted, and always do it intentionally, there’s still a memory of the past there for me which I don’t like.

My daughter Katie has been nagging me for ages to get Snapchat. I didn’t want another social media account for several reasons, I think I spend enough time on the ones I already have here on Facebook and Instagram. I don’t get Twitter, as it moves too fast for me, and although I have an account I don’t really use it. I’m just reacquainting myself with Pinterest after years out of the habit, I’d never been sure of it, but it’s quite interesting actually! The other reason was that I didn’t want my eldest son thinking I’m stalking him. This might sound silly, but as his location services mysteriously turned off a while back it would be the only way I’d know where he is. Of course, at the moment, that doesn’t matter quite so much, but as things get back to normal we’ll probably go back to our old normal, which involved our family all being part of a group to see where the others were. It meant we didn’t have to phone to check if someone was on the way home, or worry that something out of the ordinary had happened. It’s also been used to find out where I am on some of my longer races so the family can find me to cheer me on.

Katie is persistent though, she said we could play online games together. Stanley has Talking Tom on the iPad and we both get a little obsessed with it, not the playing with the cat so much as the little mini games… there’s one with a snake, and we’re all trying to beat the high score. It is surprisingly addictive, and Stanley is shockingly good at it for someone so small. Except when he gets the screen mucky and it stops responding to his gestures! Anyway Katie caught me at a good moment the other night and I gave in. It was hilarious! We didn’t do much but send random pictures to each other. I took a selfie and it imposed my face onto lots of ‘cameos’ basically me and Katie doing silly things things like the one in the photo. It was daft, but we had so much fun and we laughed so much. It wasn’t drunk laughter. It was laughter I will remember. Fun times with my daughter with tears running down my face! So I may not use the account that much, but for the fun we had that evening it was definitely worthwhile.

Take care and thank you for reading.
Claire x