Is anyone else exhausted by their kids by now? Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids more than anything in the world. They are funny, clever, happy and generally a joy to be around, but at the moment, crikey, they are also wearing me out!
I think it comes from having four of them, that anytime one of them is occupied, the others aren’t necessarily also busy. I find, one after the other they come to talk to me, and then when one thinks they are giving me space, another one has collared me. Normally I get a few moments in the day to myself, but at the moment, any that I do get are few and far between.
I wouldn’t change it, but some days, like today, it’s just a little harder. I woke up with a really sore neck and a headache, and I decided I didn’t want to go for the run I promised Katie. I also didn’t want to go for the bike ride I’d promised Barn. Stanley was really grumpy, and seemed over-tired so I’m not sure that he is feeling that well. I only saw Joe for a few minutes before he went to work, so he isn’t to blame today. I thought maybe I could take the other three for a walk, now that we are allowed to go a little further. I imagine the beaches will be too busy to be enjoyable, but I thought a little cliff walk might be nice. No sooner had I began to plan that than I decided it might be a bit much too. I’ll find any excuse not to go out at the moment.
I read an article yesterday about how we are all exhausted by lockdown. The concept I read about is called the “Allostatic Load’ and basically means that we are aware and weighed down by ongoing stress, at the moment for many of us it is the stress caused by the pandemic as well as by the isolation we have been experiencing. We worry, possibly subconsciously, and can’t actually do anything to relieve the cause of our worry and stress, because it is in the hands of the government and the scientists. It makes sense to me actually, because I seem to be more tired than usual at the moment. All my good plans have gone a little bit out the window, and I don’t seem to be achieving as much as I would like with my time or as much as I had planned when I first thought about what I would do during lockdown.
I’m lucky that the kids care about me though, I’m used to them being busy and having a lot to do, and while I’m at work we don’t spend so much time together. I think they like to baby sit me a little bit too, which is why they chat to me so much. I think they worry about me, and come and talk to me to make sure that I am okay, even though sometimes a little bit of peace and quite would be really helpful. It makes me feel ungrateful when I am shorter of patience, because I know they only care, but it is hard work! I have to remind myself that they are growing up quickly, and that I’ll miss them when they’re gone. I already have an experience of that with Joe, as he is only at home when he has nowhere better to be. So I’ll make the most of it, and remind myself how lucky I am to have them, even when they are chattering away!