Right Now

27 May. 2020 • Category: Addiction | Lockdown | Mental Health | Recovery | Anxiety

I came home from work this afternoon to find Katie walking down our road with Stanley. She was taking him to a nearby field to stretch his legs for a few minutes. I stopped to check they were okay, as she had been looking after him for me for the morning and she offered to see if I wanted to join them. Normally I would say yes. Even when I don’t want to, sometimes I feel like I should. I’ve been trying to stop doing things out of habit though and the lure of an empty house called. I told Katie that and she was fine, but of course she was, if she hadn’t seen me, she would have been on her own with him anyway. They carried on and I went home.

I left the jobs that always feel so important. I didn’t empty the dishwasher or load the washing machine. I didn’t even unpack my bag.

Instead, I put the kettle on, picked up my notebook and my Kindle and sat down in the sunshine.

Right now, the paving is warm under my feet. The only sound is the birds and someone cutting their grass in the distance. The sun is warm on my face, and the dog is asleep by my feet. The street is quiet and no-one is passing by. It’s very peaceful.

So… I’m going to enjoy it.

Just for a little while, until they come home.

Peace. Just for a moment right now, while I drink my tea.

The funny thing is, the minute I stopped writing, I realised I was listening out for them. I might like the peace, but I do miss them when they aren’t here.

Claire x

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On the Beach

The last Friday before lockdown I took the kids to the beach. It wasn’t warm, but it was nice to blow away the cobwebs. Katie is an art student at college and she needed some photographs for a piece of work so I thought it would be nice to take Barn and Stanley too. It was cold, but beautiful. We all had coats and wellies and Stanley had his waterproofs on too. It was very different to the weather today. I certainly wasn’t expecting it to be the last time we saw the beach for months!

Today I decided to take the kids to the beach. It’s a beautiful, warm day, not too hot and there’s a pleasant breeze. As I write this I am laying on my blanket watching the kids build a huge fort designed to withstand the tide when it comes in. It’s lovely to have the freedom and we have the beach largely to ourselves, except for the surfers and a few dog walkers. It is very peaceful.

I was worried about coming here to be honest. Although the beach isn’t far from home I worried because I’m so out of the habit of doing things like this. I’m out of the habit of leaving the house to be honest! I worried that I shouldn’t really be here even though we live locally and are keeping far away from anyone else. I just don’t want to look like I’m doing the wrong thing. But, it’s been weeks since the kids have been out of the house and had any freedom like this and it’s lovely to watch them playing.

Stanley is paddling in a rockpool, driving his truck and knocking down sandcastles. We’ve looked in a cave to see if there are any bears, but found nothing but footprints.

It’s been lovely, I think he will sleep well tonight. As I probably will too!

Stay safe everyone!
Claire x

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