13 November. 2019 • Category: Running | Addiction | Mental Health | Family | Mindfulness | Anxiety | Authenticity | Sobriety
A runway full of runners. I'm on the right near the silver van!
Am I the only one who panics before and sometimes during a run? I think it’s getting worse. Or maybe it’s just because I’m going further and am usually a bit faster? I don’t know. All I know is that it used to be hard to get out or to get to the start line. Now, even when I do that I struggle. It honestly seems like my mind is out to get me. I feel like I won’t be able to do it, that I’ll have to stop and I won’t be able to finish whatever distance it is I’m trying to do. Even if it’s something I know I can comfortably do.
A couple of weekends ago I ran The Cornwall Air Ambulance Runway Run with my son. Last year it was the first official race I booked for us to do, although due to bad weather it was postponed and we ran another race first. Anyway, it was our ‘first’ 5K and we raised a lot of money for the Air Ambulance New Helicopter Appeal. I struggled on that race, because it was so flat, there weren’t any hills where I could comfortably slow down for a minute to catch my breath. It was cold too and I felt so slow. It wasn’t until I finished that I realised that I had clocked one of my fastest ever 5k times.
This year they didn’t offer the 5k option and knowing we could both happily run 10k I signed us both up. I didn’t realise it was an 8am start and of course we had to be there before that, so it was still quite dark! But it makes sense that they got the runners clear of the runway before the airport opened for the day. The sun came up and it was a dry day as we waited for the race to start, which was lovely as we had been experiencing pretty much non-stop rain before that. We met some other members of our running club and waited with them, I knew I wouldn’t be as fast as they are, but it was nice to be part of the group.
The race itself was interesting, it went up and down the runway, and in and out alongside some of the hangars. The difficulty with it being so open is that you could see many of the people in front and behind you, so it almost felt like we weren’t moving. There were more inclines than I expected from a runway, but in hindsight it makes sense that they were there for drainage. At one point I saw my son and a friend coming back the other way and we waved, he was just flying along effortlessly as he does. I have no idea how he does it! Meanwhile, I started to think too much and began to really struggle for breath. The more I thought, the more I realised I couldn’t get a breath, which made me panic more. I properly scared myself before managing to get it under control and pull myself back. I managed to keep running, and luckily as it was so busy, I fell into step with some other runners. Concentrating on the sound of our feet really helped.
At one point as we ran beneath the wings of several airplanes, all belonging to Thomas Cook, they seemed to be parked there for storage. It’s sad to think of a company that was around for so long disappearing like it did and it was eerie to be beneath them. Last summer we went to Spain with Thomas Cook, we weren’t one of the many families affected by the company’s closure, but it was sad to think that it may have been one of the last holidays provided by the company.
So, like many people, I struggle with anxiety amongst other things. Running helps but it isn’t a cure, yet. I guess I’ll just keep on keeping on. There isn’t much else I can do! Oh, and would you believe, for that race, I only went and got a 10k PB!
Thanks for reading.