SoberMe

My Not So Secret Diary

Changing

Changing
I still remember the things I did before. Not all of them necessarily, but enough to have regrets.

I don’t like talking about it in general, that time I mean. It’s something that I’ve overcome and I’m pleased and I’m proud of myself, but remembering the events and the moments individually is not always nice. It reminds me of a different me, one who wasn’t as strong as I am now, one who couldn’t stand up to her demons and couldn’t say no to several glasses of wine.

I’m reading a book by Bryony Gordon right now, and she is more honest and upfront about her drunken escapades than I think I ever could be, and I tell you all a lot! It’s interesting how we all deal with things differently, but how many of us use sharing to heal. It’s almost as if by sharing, we can let it go. That’s how it works for me anyway.

I let wine slip into my life slowly and unnoticed until it ruled me, and like an unwelcome house guest, once it had it’s feet firmly under the table, I couldn’t evict it. It infiltrated every area and made me feel like I was missing out without it. Relearning how to be without it wasn’t easy, in fact, it was the toughest road I’ve ever walked, but strangely, it was also the most rewarding.

While I don’t like all my memories, now I can see that even the ones I don’t like helped shape me into the person I am now, and I have a lot of happy memories mixed in there too that I don’t want to forget about.

I can’t change the past, but I’m not sure, despite my regrets, if I’d want to now. I quite like the person I am now and although I took some knocks and bumps along the way to get to where I am, I’m going to keep going.

Just remember, we’re all doing the best we can.

Take care of yourselves, and thank you as always for reading.

Claire x

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