My Not So Secret Diary

Other people and public spaces…

Other people and public spaces
Fun in the water with the kids.

To the noisy lady at the swimming pool… I don’t want to hear all about how hard your life is, at top volume while you are changing your child. I’m sure it is challenging, but after the last few weeks I think I’ve heard every detail several times and I think perhaps you are either creating drama for attention, or actually just thrive off a hectic life. That’s fine, but can you keep it away from me? Or maybe try being just a little bit grateful for what you have?

I don’t need the drama to be honest. It’s taken me a long time to be as calm as I am, and it doesn’t take a lot sometimes to tip the balance. I distance myself from drama, whether it is on the TV or in person, I separate myself from people who drain me, it is enough sometimes to keep myself afloat, without propping up others too. Sometimes people and the noise they bring is all a bit overwhelming.

I think this must seem selfish to some, but actually it’s self preservation. Keeping myself in my little bubble helps. My circle is small, my husband, children, close family and work. I’ve read a lot about mental health over the years after struggling with my own. We, as humans are not meant to interact in the way that modern life dictates. We were designed to care about our small circle, our immediate family and our ‘village’. We don’t need to know the intricate details of the happenings all over the world, and yet today we are subjected to it all. We know everything, all the time. We are bombarded and it is too much for some of us to process. There is no reprieve and it is tiring. Our minds are on constant high alert for events which actually may not ever affect us, and that is on top of our daily lives.

Its children I feel for most. I’m glad I think, that I am not a teenager today. When I was young, if I had a falling out I left it at school. With my kids, they are always available. Friends and acquaintances can get to them at all times, and if they choose to put down their phones or leave a chat, then they are suddenly out of the loop. It’s sad, and frightening that a lot of their friendships are superficial. I’m not sure that I’d cope very well with that. To help, I limit my phone to one hour per day of social media, then it cuts off. That can be hard as I manage a page for work too, so it isn’t all personal, but once it’s gone I don’t check in anymore. It gives me a break and sometimes that break is all I need. Sometimes I wonder if life would be easier if I lived in a cabin on a mountain somewhere!

Anyway, thanks again for reading!

Have a great weekend everyone!


Is it easy to spot an addict?

Is It Easy To Spot An Addict
Enjoying a walk in the woods.

When I think of a stereotypical ‘addict’ I think people tend to think the worst. It is assumed they are often homeless, without a job, literally rock bottom. I’m pretty sure that isn’t the way I looked to the world.

When I walked into my first support group meeting I didn’t know what to expect or where I was going. My usual contact wasn’t there and I didn’t know the women running the group. They asked who I was looking for, clearly trying to protect the privacy of the group and when I said why I was there, they seemed surprised. There were only six of us, and I felt like all eyes were on me.

I could get by on a daily basis out in the world, I’d already proved that by denying I had a problem for so long. I dressed smartly, had a family, a job and a house, many of the group didn’t. It was a full time job to appear normal, and it was exhausting. We introduced ourselves, and it seemed to dawn on each of us that despite our outward differences we were very similar on the inside.

Today is World Mental Health Day and I suppose my point is that many people are struggling, whether it is an addiction, anxiety, depression or something else entirely. Many people, like I was, are very good at hiding it. So good in fact, that it becomes second nature. Just because it isn’t visible, doesn’t mean it isn’t there. Be kind. It matters, even if it isn’t obvious.

Thanks for reading!