19 October. 2019 • Category: Running | Addiction | Anxiety | Authenticity | Sobriety | Mental Health | parkrun
At the start of parkrun this morning!
I don’t like coming last. I don’t like doing things that draw unnecessary attention to myself. I don't like, (and always think), that that people are looking or laughing at me. Running a race is usually okay because I have the cover of several others running alongside me to hide behind. I’m not that slow, or fast that I’m often on my own. Yet there is always this little voice telling me that I could be last. So a few weeks ago I thought I’d face my fear and instead of marshalling, I signed up to be a tail walker. Last night I was very nervous!
I was worried I’d be too slow, that everyone would be waiting to go home. As you may have read in my other posts, my home parkrun is hilly. Very hilly! We have a lot of people who volunteer, but we also have a fairly remote course, and cows, so those marshalling are often fairly busy! I knew I had to collect all the signs as I passed them, and hand them to other marshals along my way, but I was worried I wouldn’t be able to manage them all.
The start was interesting. It was strange to not go off as fast as I could, in fact I had to slow down from my jog and walk in a lot of places so I didn’t pressure the slower runners. We often get a lot of visitors on holiday, and many don’t expect it to be quite so hilly. Add to that the fact we have had pretty much non stop heavy rain for the past three weeks, and so our course was a bit slippy in places!
It was nice to chat with other people along the way. It was a very different experience to a normal Saturday parkrun for me, but it was great. My legs did get a bit of a mind of their own on the final stretch, and I found myself wanting to sprint to the end, despite having a handful of signs, but I held back!
So I came last, and do you know what? It was okay! No one laughed, I got a bit closer to my parkrun milestone and I had fun. It didn’t even rain! What a great start to the weekend - and guess what, I’m tailwalking again next week!
Did anyone else parkrun this morning?
Have a lovely weekend, and thanks for reading!