My Not So Secret Diary

Fresh Starts

Fresh Starts Claire Hatwell author and sober blogger, My Not So Secret Recovery, My Not So Secret Guide to Recovering.
I put off moving for a long time. I’d become very attached to our home, and it worked for us, but it was also my safe place. It was never meant to be our forever home, but after 21 years, it seemed unlikely that we’d move. I suppose I didn’t think I deserved any more than I had, and I felt like we had enough. But once the seed was planted, it was hard not to think about it. I left a lot of the details to my husband, my parents haven’t been that well this year and it’s been enough to think about them without thinking of everything else, so I suppose it has happened around me, but now, it’s very real and we’re living in our new home.

I fell in love with our new home the moment I saw it. It wasn’t perfect, but once I’d seen it, I knew it was right, and I believed if we were meant to have it, things would work out. What I hadn’t expected was the change it would make to me personally; it’s a fresh start both physically and mentally. I’m not saying everyone should move house to move on with their lives, but I honestly feel like I left a lot of baggage behind. I feel like I am able to change not necessarily who I was, but how I allow myself to be seen. I feel like I can leave behind all the bits of me that I wasn’t that keen on, and allow myself a fresh canvas.

You know, I haven’t once thought about pouring a drink in the evening since we’ve been here. Maybe that’s because I’ve never had a drink in this house? I feel, and I’m not the only one, that we’re completely ourselves here too. We’ve wondered if we should have done this years ago, but I can honestly say I’m glad we didn’t because it means we can fully appreciate it now. I feel like we’re exactly where we’re meant to be, and for that, I’m very grateful.