My Not So Secret Diary


One of the things that lingers a little from the days when I used to drink is the fact that I like being at home. That may sound odd, I mean, a lot of people like being at home, but for me it’s a bit more than that. In the beginning it was just normal, but over time, it became easier to go home and stay there than to go out. I could always guarantee there was wine at home, and I couldn’t if I went out. I liked to be home early too, because that gave me more of the evening for a few drinks, after I’d done all the jobs around the house of course. I always liked to know things were done before I sat down, because then I could properly relax.

I don’t think I realised how stuck in my ways I was back then, how much I planned things to make sure I was home each evening. I just knew I enjoyed a few drinks, as I was sure every one else did, and so after a long day at work, it was good to get home and relax. I just didn’t see how gradually that crept up and became more important than everything else, until it almost seemed like the day was just a mission to get through so I could get home and stop.

Definitely in the early days it was a huge reminder to me to come home and not have that drink. Getting through the so called ‘witching hour’ was difficult but I overcame it. Still though, there in the background was the need to get home. I just didn’t know why. There wasn’t so much of a reason anymore, because I wasn’t running home to open the fridge. It just seemed that I needed to be there. Sometimes, I’ll admit, on the drive home, I’d think about pouring a glass when I got there, but then I remembered that wasn’t something I did anymore. It’s taken time to get out of the habits I’d formed, but going home isn’t one of them.

Home is my safety net. It’s the one place in the world I don’t have to worry about anything. I feel safe and secure here. I’ve always told the kids that, when they were younger and being mean to each other, I used to tell them home is our safe place, here we can say and do what we want, and we should all be considerate to each other. Everyone at home knows the way my mind works, and they don’t question it. They laugh at me sometimes, but there is never any harm in it, and often it’s when I’m laughing at myself too. I’m lucky to have this little haven, and while I am pushing myself to get out and do more, it’s good to know that once I shut my front door my safe place is always here.

I hope you have a safe place?

Take care and thanks as always for reading.
Claire x