21 June. 2020
My motivation has gone in recent weeks. Not for everything, just for the exercise side of things. I had so many plans for this year, I was going to be fitter and faster than I was last year, and until March, I was kind of on schedule.
When lockdown started I thought I’d give myself a little break. I’d just run two half marathons, one particularly hilly one in an awful storm and one in London, and so I didn’t mind enforcing a little rest. I’m not great at doing things out of the ordinary, so once I have a routine, I feel like I’m cheating myself if I don’t complete it. I feel a little bit like I’m skiving off if you know what I mean. But the times were strange and I thought it wouldn’t harm.
With the lockdown, it was a little bit easier than normal to push myself out of my routine. I didn’t like going out to run by myself when we were allowed only one form of exercise. Instead, I preferred to take the kids for a walk, especially my little one Stanley, and get some much needed fresh air, so it was easy not to have the ability to run as well. But the weeks have gone on, and my intentions to get back into it, you know, maybe next week, just haven’t quite materialised.
It’s quite nice not going to the effort of running, although I think I’m noticing it in my mind. I’m also noticing it in the fit of my clothes, but that is another story! I’m envious of the people who have been able to motivate themselves to go out everyday, but unfortunately I am not one of them. It’s inspiring to see my son Barn get up and run everyday, even though his races have been cancelled and he isn’t able to train with his team as he was doing three times a week before the lockdown.
My next half marathon is in October, if it does ahead, and I worked out that as long as I was running by the 1st of June, it would be okay… that hasn’t happened yet. The thing is as I haven’t gone out, on the odd occasion when I have, it’s much harder than it was and it puts me off. I wouldn’t say I’ve ever found running ‘easy’ but now, it certainly seemed a lot easier then, than it did then.
Throughout the summer Barn and I like to join the Summer Sessions, which are races on scenic coastal paths in the evenings. They’ve obviously been postponed, and I thought that was a good thing, but now the date they were pushed back to is getting closer, and I can’t help but hope they are put off again. The thing is, even if they go ahead they won’t be as normal. Part of the thing I like about trail running is feeling like you’re part of a pack. There’s something quite primal about it, and it’s wonderful being out in the elements with a crowd of other people. If they go ahead, they’re going to be staggered starts, there won’t be water stations along the way and there won’t be medals. It will be very different to anything we’re used to, and while I totally understand why the organisers need to put measures into place to keep everyone safe, I do wonder if I even want to be part of a small group event like that. I guess I’ll leave it until closer to the time and then decide.
It’s hard when I find myself competing with myself, and I know I’ve got into lazy habits lately, so for now, I’m going to try and motivate myself to get out and run this week. It won’t be fast and it may not be pretty, and I’m going to have to let go of my perfectionist traits to accept that, but at least I will have got out and done something.
If you’ve got any spare motivation can you send some my way?